New Parent Humor

A Dad’s Guide to an Explosive Diaper!

Have you ever found yourself in a new parent situation that is just so disgusting that it makes you want to cry? Yet, this is your beautiful, sweet, bundle of joy that has created such a heinous act and all you can do is laugh? Then pair that with the other new parent who reacts so instantaneously that the whole situation turns surreal…..this is that story!

The other night Hubs and I are sitting on the couch watching Grey’s Anatomy.  I have the Little Man propped up on a pillow next to my lap with a blanket draped across us.

Little Man begins fussing so I pull him close to coddle him and I feel something wet.  Babies leak through diapers all the time so I assumed he had peed- I asked Hubs for a diaper.  Hubs walks over to the baby basket, grabs a diaper, tosses it over to me then he leaves to go get more wipes.

As I reach for the diaper I realize that a mushy brown substance slings halfway across the room…..yep….when I looked down I realized there was poo all over my hand– oh but that’s not all….. I start to move the blanket I have us wrapped up in and yes, there is more poo…. poo is ALL over the place!  I never in my wildest dreams believed that so much **it could come out of such a cute little being….I mean where on earth was he storing it all?!  There was poo all over Little Man, oozing up his back– reaching just below the hairline.  There was poo all over the pillow, all over the blanket, all over me, spreading down to the couch…it’s never ending!

Now, if you have a newborn baby you know that this stuff will not stay put– with every little move I make I destroy yet another item with the dripping nasty poo….. and the smell was beyond rancid!

As I’m stumbling around the living room trying to avoid spreading this never ending poo Hubs returns with the wipes, sees the horror taking place in the living room.  The poo is reaching out like the black plague to him so he turns and runs away! As I’m trying to get up off the couch juggling baby in a poo covered hand and trying not to fall over on the couch with the other poo covered hand (btw- I was still trying to recover from my c-section so getting up alone, much less holding a baby, is quite a feat!).  As I’m yelling for him to come take the baby he responds………….

“Stay there, I need to get protection before I’m touching that– It’s gross!”

Me: “Um, yeah, I know it’s gross I’m covered in it!”

so, Hubs returns and this is his solution to the situation…..

Why yes, that would be my 2 week old little boy wrapped up in a grocery bag to protect dear Hubs from the dreaded poo!  Hmmmmm…..aren’t you supposed to keep plastic bags away from infants and children?!  I guess that rule doesn’t count if you put them in it!
What is your funniest parenting moment?

Eat Out Less in 2017

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